so apparently...my love life sux...
anyways, tommorow is halloween and rather than preparing a costume or studying for a test tommorow, i am taking some sort of random quiz. i think 10 is the highest score you can get, so my life is...below average? or just pretty bad. obviously i need some work on the love part. hopefully some girl will call my cell and ask me out hint hint wink wink nudge nudge.
last night was rather...dramatic for lack of better words. won't get into too much detail but it involves me running around austin trying to safely bring back my wasted friends from crazy parties. sometimes i wonder why i bothered to go help them. i mean, techincally it's their own decision to get drunk or high at an apartment or frat house, and who am i to "ruin their fun"?. why should i stop them from becoming too intoxicated and prevent them from throwing up all over the place if it makes them feel good (which it doesn't they feel like shit at the end anyways). but the fact that i have other friends who are concerned and worried about them makes me concerned too. and it also makes me lose a lot of sleep, which i desperately need.
sigh...frat parties...what makes them so fun and appealing anyways? i've come to the conclusion that they're all the same thing. a large number of people crammed into a 5 bedroom house with loud rap music and smoke all over the place. everyone is dancing, standing around, or yelling at each other, but mostly looking for alcohol. i'm not saying that they're bad...i think it's a big waste of time and 5 bucks. i sure sound like quite the lame ass for saying all this. it's not fun for me i guess.
we all have our own problems. it could be someone we really despise, or we despise life, or we despise ourselves. it's kind of sad that some people have to resort to getting wasted to try and forget about them. alcohol and weed does not make your problems disappear. in fact, they only amplify it. they cause even more problems. i don't give a damn if you had an awesome time and met the weed fairy and she hooked you up with the good shit. the weed fairy will not smoke your problems and dilemmas away. in fact, she doesn't give a shit about you, she only wants to get you high. girl problems, emotional problems, working problems, school problems, family problems, any problem is serious and important but please kids, please chill the fuck out and stop using alcohol/drugs/permanent markers as an escape!
i wish i can stop caring about y'all and just care about myself. i want to shrug my shoulders and say "whatever" if someone calls me and says they're worried about you. i would like to have some time to relax and recover without being dragged into all this mess. but whatever happens, no matter how big or how small, you can be as sure as hell know that i will be the first to get up and go help. i don't know if that's the person i am or if i feel like you guys did me an incredibly huge favor last year. even if i'm running out of breath, even if all my bones are broken, even if i have some random disease and i'm sitting in the hospital (man i hate the hospital), i still have ears to listen and a mouth to talk to you.
dear God, give me peace in my life and a calm heart and a clear mind. and thank You for letting me realize that i don't have to run away from my problems because i know that there are people in this world who care enough to help me. please let people know that i will care about them too.
sorry for such a depressing blog entry. to lighten the mood, write down what you were for halloween or what you want to be, and i'll write a happy halloween story tommorow when i get the chance. and now...time to go study...have a good halloween and don't forget to brush your teeth from eating all that candy.
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