i finally made it! a whole week without cursing. there were many close calls and attempts on trying to make me, but in the end i managed to pull through. so i realized that i shouldn't be cursing so frequently, only to be used in frustration. but then i've been quite frustrated a lot these past few weeks. i don't know why, i hope it's not "depression". haha that would be most terrible. anyways here's a short story i wrote. hope everyone has a good spring break!

the sculptor

it was one of those nights.

those nights when he layed on the floor in the middle of his studio, which was actually his apartment. just laying there and staring blankly at the ceiling, trying to think, trying to do something, anything to get him off the ground. he closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but everytime he did she would be looking at him. and he would wonder the same thing, who was she?

he slowly got up and stood next to a slab of marble. he was a sculptor, and for weeks he had been trying to decide what he should sculpt for his next project. again, he closed his eyes and tried to think, but there she was again. he opened them, and stared at that slab of marble. he never attempted to carve a person before, but perhaps...

gathering his materials, he ever so delicately started at the top and began working on the face. he carved out the long, smooth hair, the delicate eyes, soft lips, a nice nose, the ears, the cheeks, the chin, and the neck. the night grew even later but he continued working, not bothering to take a rest, determined to finish. chiseling away came the slender shape of the body, with its rather graceful stance, the soft look to the skin, the beautiful dress she was wearing.

and so it was finished, and there she stood, lifelike, dreamy, beautiful. he stared at the statue he just barely knew, but began to fall in love with. he started talking to her, and she listened intently. he held her hand, hoping for the warm, soft feel but instead felt the cold, hard stone. still he stood there, holding her hand, looking at those eyes, and talking. despite his nervous state, he told her everything she seemed to want to know, his secrets, wishes, desires, hopes, dreams. and she just listened, and smiled back at him. he started to ask her questions, trying to understand her, to know her, but instead she just smiled that small smile. that small almost sad looking smile.

and so the sculptor, not quite the genius, became frustrated and didn't know what to do, what to say, what to think. he slowly sat back at the ground at her feet, and he slowly drifted to sleep, dreaming the things he wished would come true. he wished he would never wake up. he wished she was happy.

alright kids, listen up. i made a bet with stephen that i wouldn't curse for a whole week. that's right, from now until thursday march 9, 2:00 pm, no cursing from me at all. we bet one whole laundry load...no loser does not do the winner's laundry, they just have to pay for it. so if you want to join in on this action just leave a comment on whether or not i will curse and how much you are willing to bet. or you can leave nice words of encouragement. that will be much appreciated

good luck...to me of course lol. see y'all in a week.

Justskotty: HOLY CRAP WE WON!!!!
Justskotty: ASDFJKALSDJF;KLASJD;LKF
Justskotty: thats  fucking amazing!
Justskotty: weeeee
Justskotty: i cant believe we won
Justskotty: wow
Justskotty: i thought we would lose
Justskotty: lol
Justskotty: weeeeee

littlecutetiff: HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!

tomAs hi saN: WE WON
tomAs hi saN: AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
tomAs hi saN: man i used up 4 bottles of water screaming
tomAs hi saN: lol

Taipalang: yaaay
Taipalang: pwnage

imaznation: 38-41!!! :D
imaznation: YEAH!!!!!

Abeja maxima: did you see the game?!
Abeja maxima: omg
Abeja maxima: I screamed so much

AlohaAngel10: WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!
AlohaAngel10: WE WON!!!!!!!!!
AlohaAngel10: the most exciting game--ever
AlohaAngel10: EVER

the pheeniks: did you watch that shit last night
the pheeniks: it was amazing
the pheeniks: i had to use the bathroom 3 times in 5 minues

Shellbell21234: texas won!
^the only person who doesn't go to UT. thanks micheLLLe

RAWR GO TEXAS! WE ARE THE ROSE BOWL CHAMPIONS!! YAY LONGHORNS!!

that was an incredibly amazing victory by the texas longhorns. it makes me realize that life is like a game where you take advantage of every possible second and to never give up. wow, that was an awesome game though. i wonder how much tuition will cost now.

well kids, it's been an interesting 2005 year. i hope everyone has enjoyed all the stuff i wrote in this blog. my years in college have been quite an experience, filled with interesting memories and meeting many new and wonderful friends. despite certain difficulties and situations that i tend to want to forget, i still enjoyed 2005 and i hope 2006 brings another year of...cool stuff. have a good rest of the winter yo and of course...


-drawing from some threadless.com tshirt design
-text done on photoshop

hope y'all have an awesome winter vacation. enjoy the cold weather kids!


-anime girl from random google search
-text and snow effect done on photoshop

Rules of the game:

1. Post 5 weird/random stuff about yourself.

2. At the end, list the names of 5 people whom you want next to do this, and leave a comment "YOU ARE TAGGED!" in their blog and tell them to read your blog for rules.

5 random things eh? well let's see...

1) i like to go on adventures, or just going to random places
2) according to some people, my stories/blog entries tend to be depressing/melodramatic and they recommend therapy
3) i have a fascination with card games, which sometimes lead to my compulsive gambling problems
4) for some reason, i tend to get seriously injured a lot (collapsed lung, injured wrist, broken heart, etc.)
5) i'm a music major

i tag...
alice, vivian, sally, dma, and lynna

he walked alone on campus, listening to his ipod, tuning out his surroundings and enjoying the music on his playist. who am i trying to fool? as the night falls upon me. seems like everyone had an ipod these days, and he was just another one. another person conforming to the general public and their little fads that seem meaningless but highly relevant, like jeans or chocolate. or perhaps his cd player broke and it was time to invest in a stylish mp3 player. who am i trying to be? when this leads to nothing. but he didn't like wearing jeans (they feel weird) or eating chocolate (they taste funky). how random, like his thoughts. always thinking about different things, changing from one subject to the next.

but always going back to the same thing he didn't really like to think about...the thing he wished would go away...are you there? how i long to be with you.

trees swayed gently in the night breeze, but to him the wind felt cold, bitter, and lonely. or maybe he was lonely because he was in fact, walking by himself. he thought of her, and he increased the volume on his ipod to see if he could blast her out of her mind. i said what she wanted to hear. pretending that my mind was clear. he hummed softly to the melody. he didn't try singing along, someone might hear him and it would be quite embarrassing. he closed his eyes, and tried to think of something else. everything else. anything else but this. here i go once again. will this ever end? probably not. why did he say the things he said? why did he do things he did? why did he act that way? why did he worry so much? why did he care so much? these choices i've been making. they make me hate myself.

the night became increasingly cold as he continued walking. he felt lonely again, not because he was walking by himself, but because there was no one to walk with him. he heard a soft giggle, and he turned around to notice a young, happy couple holding hands and walking together. he felt a pang in his heart, and looked away. he suddenly wished she was here with him. are you there? how i long to be with you. he imagined that he will meet someone, and together they would walk together at night. they would walk, slow and silent, close and quiet. and she will look up at him, with the moonlight shining in her eyes, and a smile on her lips. and he will look back at her, and return the smile, because he would be happy. happy to spend such a fine evening with such a lovely lady. and the night wouldn't be so cold, bitter, or lonely. are you there? listening to my despair. he imagined these kind of things because for some reason they never happened to him. at least, they used to. but not anymore, not for a while, and certainly not anytime soon.

somewhere she was out there. he will find her, or she will find him, or they would be looking for each other, and meet somewhere in the middle. he smiled at the possibility of finding someone like that. lying, trying to stop this time. i'll stop this time. he frowend, because honestly who was he kidding? he turned off his ipod and continued walking by himself, this time listening to the wind blowing softly in his ears, whispering comforting words. that he should move on. that he should keep walking and waiting. that he should never give up. a voice inside, a voice inside. that knows. that there is always hope.

hmm...haven't done this in a while. here comes another random story. it doesn't mean anything...really. but anyways, a quick recap of my latest adventures at texas.

quick recap:
-watched every texas football game so far and realized we haven't lost any of them yet. go ut! hopefully we can win this next one and head to the rose bowl.
-sleep, piano practicing, walking around, food, work, warcraft, and the occasional movie takes up most of my time here at school.
-ran away to a far away town to visit a couple of friends. thanks for taking/kidapping me! lol. they put up with my ridiculous silliness and drunken dishwashing/teeth brushing skills. it was awesome.
-went to houston for thanksgiving break. dma took me to the biggest mall i've ever been to...the "galleria". it had this huge christmas tree and an ice skating rink inside! crazy! then ate a bunch of food at random places and hung out with a bunch of friends. many many thanks for stephen for letting me stay at his place for the holidays. the car ride was interesting on the way back. i think i talk too much. someone should tell me to shut up next time.
-i stay at the music building way too much nowadays. but the last orchestra concert is tommorow so hopefully i don't have to go as much after it.
-my plan is to download a week's worth of music. for no reason. mwaa haha.
-for thanksgiving i'm thankful for my family that have put up with my nonsense for all these years and my friends that are brave enough to help me out, even though they probably think i'm some messed up monkey. and i'm thankful for my health and good fortune...or the fact that i'm still alive. haha.

and now for the story kids.
swimming pool

amazing. that's how the weather was like. simply amazing. clear, blue sky. a small, nice breeze. the sun shining brightly. it was the perfect day to go swimming. at least it seemed like it. the boy had his favorite pair of swimming trunks on, and he also carried a big towel to dry himself when he was done. he left his goggles at home. the pool water was clean and seemed very welcoming. looking around, the boy smiled excitely and prepared to jump in. he made a few steps back, but then stopped and hesitated. he noticed that there were a lot of other people just hanging around the pool. some just sat around and stared. some walked and looked in occasionally. what were they doing? wasn't the pool open? the boy looked at the lifeguard on duty. she was a young woman in a red swimsuit. the lifegaurd noticed his glanced, smiled, and gave him the thumbs up. the boy smiled back and without a moment's hesitation he jumped into the cool water. splash! in he went.

cold. that's what the water was like. immediately the cold temperature of the water hit the boy like a million daggers, piercing every part of his body. as he sunk to the bottom, he gasped in shock, trying to get used to it. then it became increasingly difficult to breathe, so he raced to the surface to get some fresh air. after a while, when he was used to the water, he noticed how the empty pool seemed like a vast ocean. there were still people just standing around, now watching the boy swim. swim, swim, swim was all he did for a while. it was very relaxing and fun. but the people were still looking at him, and it was getting too weird. so he took in a deep breath and went under.

quiet. that's how it's like underwater. not like the surface where it was noisy and sometimes chaotic. it was relaxing, with no one to bother him. just him and the water surrounding the boy. it was nice being underwater, just really calm and peaceful. the boy opened his eyes to make sure he didn't crash into a wall and swam some more. he wondered how long he could stay here. the boy wished he could stay here forever. then it hit him.

panic. that's what hit him. for some reason he suddenly ran out of breath, his muscles felt weak. his vision became incredibly blurry. maybe he should've remembered to bring his goggles. the boy couldn't think straight anymore. he started to sink. why did he give up? he didn't know. he was scared. he was afraid. he didn't want to die alone. what a sorry, pathetic boy. maybe he should've tried harder.

strange. that's how he felt. what a weird feeling. the boy opened his eyes and stared into the sky. it seemed as if the lifeguard dragged him out of the pool. she started yelling at him and told him to leave. maybe she wanted him to be safe? maybe she wanted him to not be here? maybe she didn't want him to be swimming in her pool anymore. that's what the boy thought. the other people surrouding the pool snickered at the boy, calling him stupid, saying he couldn't possibly swim as well as they could. then they all went into the pool, and like sharks they swam around, obviously wanting the pool all to themselves.

rejected. that was what happened to the boy. rejected from this pool. some say there are many other pools in town to swim in, but the boy didn't want to even swim anymore. it was lame and he was terrible at it anyways. with a sigh he grabbed his towel and left the area. no more going underwater and escaping the chaos and drama he wanted so desperately to escape from the surface. the dripping water on his face covered the tears running down his cheeks. the boy just grabbed his towel, wiped his eyes (should've brought goggles), and continued walking around aimlessly on the surface.

Why is everything here completely pointless?
Candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy.

mmm....i like candy...

so this weekend i watched tim burton's charlie and the chocolate factory. let's see in two words i would describe it as...MESSED UP. i think earlier during the semester i saw the corpse bride and that was pretty jacked up too. so anyways back to chocolate factory and how messed up it was. anyone ever seen the movie se7en? that was a good movie, about the seven deadly sins. you should watch it sometime. me and dma came to the conclusion that chocolate factory was actually about the 7 seven deadly sins. now, theres 5 kids who win the golden ticket, but only 4 of them (cause charlie is obviously the good one) represent the majority of the 7 sins. or the movie was bascially making fun of white people in general. ahaha just kidding! it's about the sins i'm think.
Violet Beauregarde (chewing gum girl who turns into a giant blueberry) - pride
Veruca Salt (spoiled girl who gets pwned by squirrels and falls in a garbage chute) - greed, envy, sloth
Mike Teavee (little kid who plays too much video games and turns really little) - anger
Augustus Gloop (fat kid who falls into chocolate river) - gluttony

i guess everyone has some form of every sin, but i wonder which one of them really causes me the most problem. it's either greed cause i always want something (preferably money), sloth (cause i'm so lazy most of the time), or anger (because well...i uh...i...punch stuff?). i wonder what other people think which sin they have the most problem with. yea i must be pretty bored if i bothered to anaylze movies like this. but hey when i watch a movie i like to listen to the music (btw, chocolate factory had some crazy but awesome music/soundtrack) or think about other meanings and look for subtle humor. like disney's alice in wonderland. that movie was actually about drugs. lots of differenent kinds of drugs. remember the caterpillar? he smokes shrooms man! and they make alice hallucinate and stuff. the rabbit was on speed i'm pretty sure. and of course there's alcohol involved. alice is an emo drunk, cause when she took that shot and turned big she started crying.

speaking of drunks...ok nevermind. just saying that pretty much tells you what i ended up doing again this weekend. except i didnt have to run around town. i just had to make various trips to the garbage room. but enough about my drunk friends...it's not as if they haven't received enough attention anyways. i need to get drunk myself. ahaha just kidding...or am i?

what i really want to do is run away sometime. maybe i'll start jogging again at the gym but hardly anyone goes. or just run away to a completely city. just for the weekend or for a short while. why do i have this urge to escape? because i want a break. i need a break. i f---ing deserve a break! from school, from work, from drama, from people, from bulls---. my health is failing me ahhh. i have to get away. run run run eric. run and leave your troubles behind.

sigh...if only it was that simple. the problem is, i have nowhere to run, and no one to run to.

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	4.2
Mind:	4
Body:	3.1
Spirit:	5
Friends/Family:	3.8
Love:	0
Finance:	3.2
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

so apparently...my love life sux...

anyways, tommorow is halloween and rather than preparing a costume or studying for a test tommorow, i am taking some sort of random quiz. i think 10 is the highest score you can get, so my life is...below average? or just pretty bad. obviously i need some work on the love part. hopefully some girl will call my cell and ask me out hint hint wink wink nudge nudge.

last night was rather...dramatic for lack of better words. won't get into too much detail but it involves me running around austin trying to safely bring back my wasted friends from crazy parties. sometimes i wonder why i bothered to go help them. i mean, techincally it's their own decision to get drunk or high at an apartment or frat house, and who am i to "ruin their fun"?. why should i stop them from becoming too intoxicated and prevent them from throwing up all over the place if it makes them feel good (which it doesn't they feel like shit at the end anyways). but the fact that i have other friends who are concerned and worried about them makes me concerned too. and it also makes me lose a lot of sleep, which i desperately need.

sigh...frat parties...what makes them so fun and appealing anyways? i've come to the conclusion that they're all the same thing. a large number of people crammed into a 5 bedroom house with loud rap music and smoke all over the place. everyone is dancing, standing around, or yelling at each other, but mostly looking for alcohol. i'm not saying that they're bad...i think it's a big waste of time and 5 bucks. i sure sound like quite the lame ass for saying all this. it's not fun for me i guess.

we all have our own problems. it could be someone we really despise, or we despise life, or we despise ourselves. it's kind of sad that some people have to resort to getting wasted to try and forget about them. alcohol and weed does not make your problems disappear. in fact, they only amplify it. they cause even more problems. i don't give a damn if you had an awesome time and met the weed fairy and she hooked you up with the good shit. the weed fairy will not smoke your problems and dilemmas away. in fact, she doesn't give a shit about you, she only wants to get you high. girl problems, emotional problems, working problems, school problems, family problems, any problem is serious and important but please kids, please chill the fuck out and stop using alcohol/drugs/permanent markers as an escape!

i wish i can stop caring about y'all and just care about myself. i want to shrug my shoulders and say "whatever" if someone calls me and says they're worried about you. i would like to have some time to relax and recover without being dragged into all this mess. but whatever happens, no matter how big or how small, you can be as sure as hell know that i will be the first to get up and go help. i don't know if that's the person i am or if i feel like you guys did me an incredibly huge favor last year. even if i'm running out of breath, even if all my bones are broken, even if i have some random disease and i'm sitting in the hospital (man i hate the hospital), i still have ears to listen and a mouth to talk to you.

dear God, give me peace in my life and a calm heart and a clear mind. and thank You for letting me realize that i don't have to run away from my problems because i know that there are people in this world who care enough to help me. please let people know that i will care about them too.

sorry for such a depressing blog entry. to lighten the mood, write down what you were for halloween or what you want to be, and i'll write a happy halloween story tommorow when i get the chance. and now...time to go study...have a good halloween and don't forget to brush your teeth from eating all that candy.