goodnight cruel world.
*falls asleep*

after staying awake for 2 days straight, with only a few 1 hour naps somewhere in between, i'm about ready to pass out...but not before i put up this story. for some reason, i have a feeling that something bad is going to happen to me. or maybe i'm just delusional. or paranoid. or just plain messed up. anyways i hope you kids enjoy. have a good weekend.

the sky
he heard a whisper
wo yao ni zi dao
what do you want me to know?

  the boy looked around to see who said that, but he was probably imagining things. or hallucinating. he had been so busy these past few weeks that he didn't get enough sleep, and his already poor heatlh was just getting worse. he continued walking to the music building under the hot sun to go practice for a piano lesson later that day. he noticed that there was a dark cloud hovering over him, surrounded by the clear, blue sky, and it slowly began to rain. how ironic, he thought to himself. like the sky above him, he appeared to be a generally good-natured fellow on the outside, but on the inside was a depressing, frustrated soul. the slow, falling raindrops were feeble attempts to cry and pour out his sorrow. but he never could. because crying is retarded and he didn't have time for such nonsense.

  again, he thought of her. they say that at the right time, that special someone will come, and be the right person for you. but he always wondered, what if i already missed that chance? what if that time already passed? he wished time would just stop. pause. freeze for a second. and let him think back about those good times and memories. but always in the back of his mind, the mistakes he made and all the regrets he had, would always be bothering him. he hated himself so much that he just wanted to give up on everything and disappear. he looked to the sky, and let the rain fall on his face. it was almost relaxing. he pretended they were tears.

  people will just say that he needed a break and to get more sleep. if only they knew, it was so hard to sleep at night, with so many things bothering him. he wished he had those nights again were he would walk around in the middle of the night, and have someone to talk to. he kept walking, because he realized he had to practice before his teacher scoulded him again. but he always wondered...what if he had another chance.

wo yao ni zi dao
i wish i knew

  so i've had a pretty crazy week, mostly cause i've been practicing for my upcoming piano jury, rehearsing with my instrumentalist, doing music theory hw, and attending lots of recitals. i wake up in the morning, spend most of my day at the music building and try to fit in time to get food, and come back to my room at night and go to sleep. it almost makes me feel like a real piano major. haven't had much of a weekend yet, but last night was pretty fun. went to chill at a friends place where we watched the movie "fun with dick and jane", where a married couple almost goes bankrupt and in their desperation to get some cash they become armed robbers. oh yea, the title is a joke. it means that i will be single forever. anyways, the movie had a rather nice and interesting ending, and as i went to sleep i wondered...

what if i ever became that desperate?

it definately seems like being a music major is not exactly the choice for me, so i wanted to switch into something more interesting like...i dunno kinesiology. which is (see below, courtesy of dictionary.com)
ki·ne·si·ol·o·gy (n.)

1. The study of the anatomy, physiology, and mechanics of body movement, especially in humans.
2. The application of the principles of kinesiology to the evaluation and treatment of muscular imbalance or derangement.

  and what will i do with this major? probably become a physical therapist (where i help people regain certain body movements) or a sports medicine doctor (where i look at xrays and tell patients what they injured and how to fix it). but more on that later, if i remember.
  however, due to some certain...situations, predicaments, and setbacks, i can't exactly switch schools at will. let's just say my grades are bad and leave it at that. so let's assume somehow i drop out of school. that's right...just fail out, get kicked out, leave, banned, whatever, never to be seen again.

 my honor, my pride, my dignity (i barely have any left)...all thrown out the window as i leave the campus forever. and where would i go? what could i do? i think i just might have to resort to...

 becoming a hitman.
 yep, i think at that point whatever morality or emotions i have left will disappear and i won't mind killing people for money. i think i would hate my life so much i wouldn't care what i do with my life anyways. seriously, if people want to get rid of someone so bad that they're willing to pay some cash, i would do it for them. probably for 50 bucks. just look for the target, say hello, load gun, point, aim, shoot, walk away (maybe walk around instead for a bit), and collect my payment.

what people? it was just a thought. oh yea, you're right...i have to get a gun first.

wow, i can't do anything!

...but instead i'm attempting an update of my fascinating life on this blog. well my life isn't that great, just normal and busy. for some reason i've had this continuous non-stop dizzy headache. i don't think it's lack of sleep, probably lack of proper nutrition. j2 gives me stomach aches now. and my dine-in dollars are ever so slowly decreasing, and i have about 60+ dollars left. my bevo on the other hand has been around 52 cents for the whole spring semester. i think it is time to only eat ramen everyday until i run out of those.

met even more people this semester, mostly from houston or plano. seems like i never stop meeting new kids, which results in an increasing number of facebook friends. it's getting harder for me to remember everyone's name, where they are from, what their major is, and some random interesting fact about them. sometimes i forget where i originally come from and i just say sugarland, but then one of my friends kindly remind me that i am an outcast and i do not belong in their fine society bubble of houston.

my health has been on a tricky situation. i try exercising more, just jogging and some swimming, and of course walking around. so far everything seems to be working properly. and many trips to the music building to practice piano, but when i get there i just take a nap instead. and then i wake up and go back to my room...to take another nap.

the school semester is about to end. my, how time flies. i wonder where it went. i probably tossed it out the window myself in my frustration to try and make it slow down. but that only led to a broken alarm clock. well i obviously have no idea what i'm talking about, just random rambles. sorry, no story today. nothing exciting has happened yet to motivate me. time to get back to practicing.

or i might just take a nap instead

i finally made it! a whole week without cursing. there were many close calls and attempts on trying to make me, but in the end i managed to pull through. so i realized that i shouldn't be cursing so frequently, only to be used in frustration. but then i've been quite frustrated a lot these past few weeks. i don't know why, i hope it's not "depression". haha that would be most terrible. anyways here's a short story i wrote. hope everyone has a good spring break!

the sculptor

it was one of those nights.

those nights when he layed on the floor in the middle of his studio, which was actually his apartment. just laying there and staring blankly at the ceiling, trying to think, trying to do something, anything to get him off the ground. he closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but everytime he did she would be looking at him. and he would wonder the same thing, who was she?

he slowly got up and stood next to a slab of marble. he was a sculptor, and for weeks he had been trying to decide what he should sculpt for his next project. again, he closed his eyes and tried to think, but there she was again. he opened them, and stared at that slab of marble. he never attempted to carve a person before, but perhaps...

gathering his materials, he ever so delicately started at the top and began working on the face. he carved out the long, smooth hair, the delicate eyes, soft lips, a nice nose, the ears, the cheeks, the chin, and the neck. the night grew even later but he continued working, not bothering to take a rest, determined to finish. chiseling away came the slender shape of the body, with its rather graceful stance, the soft look to the skin, the beautiful dress she was wearing.

and so it was finished, and there she stood, lifelike, dreamy, beautiful. he stared at the statue he just barely knew, but began to fall in love with. he started talking to her, and she listened intently. he held her hand, hoping for the warm, soft feel but instead felt the cold, hard stone. still he stood there, holding her hand, looking at those eyes, and talking. despite his nervous state, he told her everything she seemed to want to know, his secrets, wishes, desires, hopes, dreams. and she just listened, and smiled back at him. he started to ask her questions, trying to understand her, to know her, but instead she just smiled that small smile. that small almost sad looking smile.

and so the sculptor, not quite the genius, became frustrated and didn't know what to do, what to say, what to think. he slowly sat back at the ground at her feet, and he slowly drifted to sleep, dreaming the things he wished would come true. he wished he would never wake up. he wished she was happy.

alright kids, listen up. i made a bet with stephen that i wouldn't curse for a whole week. that's right, from now until thursday march 9, 2:00 pm, no cursing from me at all. we bet one whole laundry load...no loser does not do the winner's laundry, they just have to pay for it. so if you want to join in on this action just leave a comment on whether or not i will curse and how much you are willing to bet. or you can leave nice words of encouragement. that will be much appreciated

good luck...to me of course lol. see y'all in a week.

Justskotty: HOLY CRAP WE WON!!!!
Justskotty: ASDFJKALSDJF;KLASJD;LKF
Justskotty: thats  fucking amazing!
Justskotty: weeeee
Justskotty: i cant believe we won
Justskotty: wow
Justskotty: i thought we would lose
Justskotty: lol
Justskotty: weeeeee

littlecutetiff: HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!

tomAs hi saN: WE WON
tomAs hi saN: AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
tomAs hi saN: man i used up 4 bottles of water screaming
tomAs hi saN: lol

Taipalang: yaaay
Taipalang: pwnage

imaznation: 38-41!!! :D
imaznation: YEAH!!!!!

Abeja maxima: did you see the game?!
Abeja maxima: omg
Abeja maxima: I screamed so much

AlohaAngel10: WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!
AlohaAngel10: WE WON!!!!!!!!!
AlohaAngel10: the most exciting game--ever
AlohaAngel10: EVER

the pheeniks: did you watch that shit last night
the pheeniks: it was amazing
the pheeniks: i had to use the bathroom 3 times in 5 minues

Shellbell21234: texas won!
^the only person who doesn't go to UT. thanks micheLLLe

RAWR GO TEXAS! WE ARE THE ROSE BOWL CHAMPIONS!! YAY LONGHORNS!!

that was an incredibly amazing victory by the texas longhorns. it makes me realize that life is like a game where you take advantage of every possible second and to never give up. wow, that was an awesome game though. i wonder how much tuition will cost now.

well kids, it's been an interesting 2005 year. i hope everyone has enjoyed all the stuff i wrote in this blog. my years in college have been quite an experience, filled with interesting memories and meeting many new and wonderful friends. despite certain difficulties and situations that i tend to want to forget, i still enjoyed 2005 and i hope 2006 brings another year of...cool stuff. have a good rest of the winter yo and of course...


-drawing from some threadless.com tshirt design
-text done on photoshop

hope y'all have an awesome winter vacation. enjoy the cold weather kids!


-anime girl from random google search
-text and snow effect done on photoshop