he walked alone on campus, listening to his ipod, tuning out his surroundings and enjoying the music on his playist. who am i trying to fool? as the night falls upon me. seems like everyone had an ipod these days, and he was just another one. another person conforming to the general public and their little fads that seem meaningless but highly relevant, like jeans or chocolate. or perhaps his cd player broke and it was time to invest in a stylish mp3 player. who am i trying to be? when this leads to nothing. but he didn't like wearing jeans (they feel weird) or eating chocolate (they taste funky). how random, like his thoughts. always thinking about different things, changing from one subject to the next.

but always going back to the same thing he didn't really like to think about...the thing he wished would go away...are you there? how i long to be with you.

trees swayed gently in the night breeze, but to him the wind felt cold, bitter, and lonely. or maybe he was lonely because he was in fact, walking by himself. he thought of her, and he increased the volume on his ipod to see if he could blast her out of her mind. i said what she wanted to hear. pretending that my mind was clear. he hummed softly to the melody. he didn't try singing along, someone might hear him and it would be quite embarrassing. he closed his eyes, and tried to think of something else. everything else. anything else but this. here i go once again. will this ever end? probably not. why did he say the things he said? why did he do things he did? why did he act that way? why did he worry so much? why did he care so much? these choices i've been making. they make me hate myself.

the night became increasingly cold as he continued walking. he felt lonely again, not because he was walking by himself, but because there was no one to walk with him. he heard a soft giggle, and he turned around to notice a young, happy couple holding hands and walking together. he felt a pang in his heart, and looked away. he suddenly wished she was here with him. are you there? how i long to be with you. he imagined that he will meet someone, and together they would walk together at night. they would walk, slow and silent, close and quiet. and she will look up at him, with the moonlight shining in her eyes, and a smile on her lips. and he will look back at her, and return the smile, because he would be happy. happy to spend such a fine evening with such a lovely lady. and the night wouldn't be so cold, bitter, or lonely. are you there? listening to my despair. he imagined these kind of things because for some reason they never happened to him. at least, they used to. but not anymore, not for a while, and certainly not anytime soon.

somewhere she was out there. he will find her, or she will find him, or they would be looking for each other, and meet somewhere in the middle. he smiled at the possibility of finding someone like that. lying, trying to stop this time. i'll stop this time. he frowend, because honestly who was he kidding? he turned off his ipod and continued walking by himself, this time listening to the wind blowing softly in his ears, whispering comforting words. that he should move on. that he should keep walking and waiting. that he should never give up. a voice inside, a voice inside. that knows. that there is always hope.